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John Marino

Monday, June 13, 2011

Undead Goodbye

I walk in darkness
It’s crushing weight like earth enveloping a tomb
No escape from the gloom
None that I could take
Least not while I clung
To a shred of hope
That all is not lost

I reach out for my creator
Calling in vain
To a father never met
The only answer I suffer
Is silence
Nowhere to be found
My only proof he is real
I exist

A desire that cannot be slaked
His gift to me
Others tell me of his being
Their proof
They exist
For without a start
There can be no end

I can never walk the light
So many enjoy
Taking for granted
Their good fortune
As blessed to walk in radiance
While I and others
Are cursed to walk the murk

I long to feel the warmth of light
Comfort me like a mother’s hug
Resignation that it’s not to be settles in
A terrible state
My fellow dark walkers
Content to accept
That which has been granted
I can’t
I rage at my misfortune

Cursing the creator’s absence
Answers I seek
None to be found
The very thing I yearn for
Could be my demise
My birth sire abandoned me
At my tender age of two
His own hand took him away
My maker is no better
Ignoring pleas for truth
I’m left to flounder, a ship on rough seas

If my flesh father could see
What has become of his blood
Would he weep in disappointment?
Would he accept what I am?
I’m never to know
Only to guess
That he might be stoic and stern
And turn his back to my plight

Yet still I hoped for better days
That are not to come
The burden is weighty
It wears me down
Each time I wake
I’m sad for that truth
And curse, curse, curse the maker

If abandonment was the plan
Why create?
If guidance was to be denied
Why pluck from the light and plunge into dark?
Would edifying not be preferred
To the claim of free will?

Colorless days are the best I can hope
With the darkness held back
And the pure lightness too
I can glimpse what I crave
And almost partake
What long has been denied

I feel hunger creeping in
Detesting  those in the light
I seek retribution on them
Though the fault is not theirs
For the way that I am
I can only feel well again
When they fall like I have
Their ruin
My only form of joy

Yet to be such is wrong
I’ve grappled with this
Knowing their harm, can’t change my condition
There is only one fix
For the state I am in
To walk in the light
To feel it’s beautiful burning warmth

I’m resigned in my direction
The path is clear
To end this brutal agony
That has become my life
I must give myself over
To that which I crave
Let the light take me
With all its searing glory

Even now as the darkness
Starts giving way
I wonder
If I’ve the strength
That my sire once mustered
Can I sit here until
The pain subsides?

Let sweet immortality truly begin

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